Best Rum Cake Recipe

(JOKE Recipe–this recipe has been checked for typos…there are none.)

Ingredients:
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 tsp. baking powder (not gun)
4 C flour
1 tsp. favorite essence
1 C butter
1 tsp. baking soda (unflavored)
1 C sugar
lemon juice
2 large eggs
brown sugar
1 C dried fruit  & nuts (no bolts)
 
Directions:
1. Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead.
2. Select a mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc., Check the rum again; it must be just right.
3. To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat this step.
4. Then with an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter into a large fluffy bowl.
5. Slowly add 1 cup thugar and beat hell.
6. Meanwhile, make sure the rum is still of the highest quality. Try another cup.
7. Open 2nd qt. if necessary.
8. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of our, and 1 cup of fried druit and beat until high.
9. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
10. Sample the rum again, testing for tonscisticity.
11. Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn’t matter). Sample the rum again.
12. Sift 1/2 pt. lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
13. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.
14. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.
15. Now pour the whole mess into the oven and ake.
16. Check the rum again and bo to ged.